Journal of J

I realized part of the reason why I don’t wear make up.  I hate standing there trying to decide what will look good.  No mirror.  So many kinds, styles, colors, prices.  Then there is the primer, foundation, concealer, blush, mascara, eye shadow.  Aaahh!  So I am not totally thrilled with what I got.  It looked fine in the bathroom mirror this morning but in the van mirror it looked like I had put on a mask.  I want makeup that just makes me look better not like I am going to some masquerade ball.  I do like the blush I got.  Helps that it was cheap.  It also doesn’t look like clown cheeks.  If it did that I’d just be short the red nose and big shoes.  So I guess maybe I should have gotten the stuff I had a sample of a while ago and liked.  Oh well.  I’ll just have to resign myself to activities that have lighting like my bathroom.  Or darker.   Dinner in the dark anyone?  Guess there is a resturant in London that serves dinner in the dark.  They have blind waiters that serve you.  Was an interesting news piece.  I might have to go there to hide my odd colored face.   

I wrote that a while ago.   I recently discovered that my face didn’t like the makeup.  Oh well.  Guess it wasn’t meant to be.  Sure paid for it… two weekends of face misery.  I thought it was an allergy to outside.  Truly had no clue what it was.  Finally Mother’s day I went to the Dr.  I just couldn’t take the dry itchy red face anymore.  Between the Dr and my hubby- apparently better sleuths than I - they figured out that I was making up my face and that was causing me misery. 

Of course it being spring I had a child’s program to attend.  I sure didn’t want to go out in public with the bright red coon eyes and irritated face that I had.  So what do you do to mask a problem- you put on makeup.  I didn’t use the culprit, oh no that would be causing more problems.  So I used a sample of the same brand, but a different kind.  Sure I looked human, not like some alien freak with red eyes.  I even got complements… on my hair.  I’ll take complements, glad it wasn’t on my face! That would have been too ironic.  At least it wasn’t that my face looked awful either.  “Oh, J, what happened to your face!?!?”  Shock and horror on questioning persons face.  Anyway feeling rather good that I wasn’t walking freak I attended program and went home.  To wash.  My face was hating me- again- still.  Ugh wearing makeup was not the smart thing to do.  But I really didn’t want to show my freakish form.  It was a set back in my recovery.  I was prescribed a drug to help out.  I don’t know that it helped that much.  I think time cured me.  That and lack of makeup. 

So now I am not sure that I will attempt the makeup scene again.  My face is finally starting feel like its old self.  Never thought I’d be thankful for the blotchy, acne, ruddy, blackheaded, oily face that is mine.  Funny how things tend to humble me.  I think I’ll live with this ugly mug of mine.  What are the alternatives?  Can’t live with out it… don’t want to tick it off.